Smallville Season 6

Well like most people I'm a big fan of Super Heroes. But when it comes to mind which is the best the name says it all --->"SUPER"MAN. I have been watching Smallville this season as I did every season, and this year Green Arrow has made an appearance. Other super heroes that have shown up have been; Flash (in kid form), Aquaman (in completely useless form, as if he knows another way). Green Arrow has always been one of my favorites, and the fact that he has shown up on one of my favorite shows is fantastic. BUT where does he get off telling Superman how to live his life. Is anyone really allowed to tell Superman what to do? HE'S GOD DAMN FUCKING SUPERMAN. Sure at least Green Arrow has a cool costume in the show and Superman has yet to dawn the tights, and sure he's going to bang Lois Lane it seems before Sup's (we're friends so I can call him that) but Aquaman already did that and talk about a fishy smell afterwards. So this basically it all comes down to this, Green Arrow sure you can bang Lois Lane, but Aquaman has crabs (still trying to drown them) so Lois probably does too. But you are allowed to tell Superman what to do. For this I'm sorry my green friend, but it has to be done. I here by place Green Arrow's Mom in a Bucket

Might Ducks of Las Vegas

Wow, it was a great season last year. Unfortunenty we did not win the Cup, but who knows what will happen this year. My team did a lot of rebuilding in the off-season. We had to cut a couple of the girls loose, like veteran Jeri Ryan. Ryan was a great Captain but it seemed that the new faster pace of play was just too much for her to keep up with. She retired shortly after we told her that we would not be offering her a new contract. Also with the GM not really signing girls to long-term contracts we lost others in the free agent market. Losses such as Eliza Dushku and Emma Bunton will weaken the second line but there is a couple of up and comers on the horizon to take their place. I’ll talk about them later. Unfortunately only one line survived the off-season turmoil but it’s the “Show Stoppers” so all is fine in Hot Female Celebrity Hockey League (HFCHL). Another line known as the “BBC” line or the “Dirty Line” lost both Britney’s. Murphy failed the random drug test and Spears besides showing up to camp 134 pounds over-weight, also has contracted some sort of Hepatitis (combination C + D) and has been found drinking what Tom Cruise has been selling and become fucking “crazy” just like her hit song. Thus they were dropped from the team. There is a rookie line, which has a great ass-load of promise, but only time will tell on them. The loss of many blue-liners is fine because the free agent market was very kind. Only one Blue-liner has returned. Scarlette Johansson was signed to a huge multi-year contract last year and as an Alternate Captain her leadership will be extremely helpful in the shower room. Well without any further ado give it up for your 2006-2007 Mighty Ducks of Las Vegas.

First Line: The Show Stoppers

Left Wing- Jessica Alba: Salary is 2.9 per year. Known for her amazing legs and ASSets, she can out skate anybody in the league. We all just love watching this girl in action. Last year 62 g 50 a 112 points. Project points 120+

Center- Jessica Beil: Salary 4.5 per year. She resigned after a great year centering the top-line. Compared to some as better then Adam Oates at passing the puck. Last year 13 g 101 a 114 points. Projected points 120+

Right Wing- Jessica Simpson: Salary 5.0 per year. With the dreaded off-season behind her, she plans on putting up even better numbers then last year. This young lady is believed to be one of the best all “AROUND” players in the game. She will bend in all different ways to get the job done, which we all like to see. Last year 69 g 69 a 138 points. Projected points 130+

First Line Analyzed: Don’t worry kids the “Jessica” line is back. This line was a fan favorite for very obviou-ass reasons. Last year no one could contain this line. With the loss of Jeri Ryan, Beil was selected as the new Captain. With the fant-ASS-tic “skills” this first line processes it is possible to see another 1-2-3 finish in the scoring title. These well-contoured girls will put the curves back into the corners and come out with the puck and they have the legs to keep it going in the late minutes of the third period.


Second Line: The Rookies

Left Wing- Elisha Cuthburt: Salary 900k per year. Last years Rookie of the Year has a lot of pressure to try and keep the show going. No one believes that this girl will be a one hit wonder like ACDC or The Eagles. Last year 25 g 35 a 70 points. Projected points 80+

Center- Sara Carter: Salary 800k per year. This year’s Canadian rookie sensation. At least that’s what BHR (Boyd Hardie Report) thinks. How she went so late in the draft no one knows. Great “stick” handling skills and has the ability to appear out of nowhere it seems. Will be an obvious threat in a couple of years at the scoring title. Projected points 60+

Right Wing- Amy Smart: Salary 1.4 per year. Brought up from the minors to help fill in some holes in the line-up. Had a great training camp, deserves to be here. Plays with lots of heart. Projected points 60+

Second Line Analyzed: This very f-ass-t very blonde line is hot and is going to be hot. Don’t let there cutesy play full you, when in comes down to the wire the can score with the best of them. Why will they score? because the will do what ever it takes to get the job done. These girls will be around for a longtime, lets hope we have the stamina to keep on watching them.

Third Line- The Veterans

Left Wing- Vanessa Marcil: Salary 2.3 per year. This is one of the great off-season acquisitions. Last year played for the Montreal IHOS. She left does to the constant harassment from the owner, something to do with being stocked by him and a large sausage. She played on the first line over in Montreal, but has not proven herself in training camp. Marcil will easily be able to move up the ranks with a good season. Hopefully she’ll finish her career with us here. Last year 38 g 47 a 85 points. Projected points 70+

Center- Sandra Bullock: Salary 1.1 per year. Another great off-season acquisition. She came over from the Brownstown Bizzles. She is close to retirement but unlike the Bizzles’s owner and GM we believe she has at least one good year left in her. She’s great in the locker room and has plenty of awards under her belt. Loves to get into action, and plays with a lot of heart. Last year 17 g 45 a 62 points. Projected 50+ points.

Right Wing- Kate Beckensale: Salary 1.5 per year. Known for her penalty killing skills. She’s willing to sacrifice the body to get the job done. Has great moves and great to grind in the corners. Last year 17 g 23 a 40 points. Projected 35+ points.

Third Line Analyzed: Has great leadership, because they have been there and done that. These girls will be very important in a deep playoff run. Also it has been notice they spend a lot of one on one time with the youngsters. Which must be good for everyone.

Forth Line- The Grinders

Left Wing- Sarah Michelle Gellar: Salary 1.9 per year. Had a season ending injury in last year’s camp and thus was held off the team. Known as one of the best grinders in the game. Has been also been known to get into a fight or two to protect the stars. Also has the ability to put the puck “anywhere” at least that is what she told me. Projected points 25+ points, 200+ PIM

Center- Christina Agulaura: Salary 1.0 per year. Still loves to dump and chase. Love the big hit and loves to go down after giving a check. We call it finishing the checks but who knows. Chrissy A is known for having one of the dirtiest mouths in the league. The stuff that comes out of it will surprise anyone. Last year 8 g 23 a 31 points. Projected points 25+ 150+ PIM

Right Wing- Hillary Swank: Salary 500K per year. Goon, goon, goon. Fights everyone anytime anywhere. Seems to have a permanent swollen lips because of this. Has a great left cross and her over hand right that has “the great white hype” all scared. Last year 0 g 2 a 2 points. Projected points 0+, 1394 PIM exactly

Forth Line Analyzed: I would hate to put anyone up against this ass kicking line. They are just straight up dirty players. Side note: they all share one room on away games, don’t know why but I think some people would like to know. We think its to work on there play’s together. This line will do anything to get the job done. I’ve seen it.

Defensive Pairing 1 - Leading Ladies Pairing

Scarlette Johansson- 5.0 per year. The Alternative Captain was the quarterback of the most efficient power play in the league. The stunning look of her style of play is unbelievable. Her transition game cannot be beaten. And for the most part she will lay you out and leave you smiling after a hit. Last year 26 g 78 a 104 points. Projected points 100+

Kira Knightly- 1.1 per year: After playing last year in Europe and has great hopes to make a good impression in North America. Known as a more stay at home defenseman, goes down a lot to block shots. Projected points 55+ points

Defensive Pairing 2 - Sporty Pairing

Jordana Brewster- 2.7 per year. Brought in for her hard work and ability to work the power play. Has some of the best hands in the league, her transition game is top 5. Is also the second Alternative Captain. Last year 17 g 50 a

Elizabeth Banks- 600K per year. A rookie in all regards of the term. Drafted this year in the second round. Has potential to be a franchise player. Projected points 30+


Defensive Pairing 3 - Lois Lane Pairing

Erica Durance- 1.2 per year: Has a very feisty attitude that is important in today’s game play. Wont back down from anyone in the league. Has played in the league for a couple years and has always wanted to come play for this team. She even took a pay cut to do so. Last year points 7 g 23 a 30 points. Projected 25+ points

Kate Bosworth- 1.1 per year: The second part of this super pairing. Has been known to cheat a little bit to get what she wants, and normally that’s the puck. Last Year 3 g 21 a 24 points. Projected 20+


Goalies

G- Shakira- 3.7 per year: The way this girl shakes and moves around in that crease, is amazing. She had a league record of 13 shutouts, but went down to a injury in the playoffs. Got to remember to stretch properly, you never want to blow out a hammy.

G- Evangeline Lilly- 500K per year: She was lost in the shuffle last year and spent the entire season in the minors. There is high hopes if Shakky goes down to any hammy injuries that Lilly can easy step up and hold the net for the rest of the season.

Well there you have it. This year’s Might Ducks of Las Vegas. I think it’s going to be a good season but who knows. We are the favorites to win the Cup, but how often does the favorite win. The most important thing is putting the Montreal IHOS's mom's in buckets. So Cheers to that.